What made her different
by stocky-parker-dog
Summary: Wasn't something he could get easily. You couldn't let something like that go. And maybe, just maybe, she was better for him than she ever thought. A short Ikarishipping oneshot/drabble. I do NOT own the characters. Read and Enjoy please.


**NOTE** Please read before continuing to the story.**

 **I know that what I have written may not be exactly how depression is, but I have tried my best from my limited knowledge so please frogive anything that may come off as ignorant. I don't mean to offend, upset or anger anyone.**

* * *

Paul's POV

I believed myself incapable; of emotions that is. All except irritation, anger and depression. All because I was clinically depressed; Major depression at that.

I had taken medication before, but the SSRIs didn't seem to do anything. It seemed they were a waste of time and money, so I stopped taking them.

Now I felt like it was physiologically impossible for me to be happy; physiologically unable to smile or laugh. It felt like it.

I seemed to only have three facial expressions; blank, anger and lifeless.

I told myself it was a good thing I could at least feel anger and irritation and that I wasn't stuck in never-ending depression for no reason. How long was that going to last though? How long before I became a void of never ending depression. How long before I was mechanically going through each day.

I couldn't smile, I couldn't laugh, I couldn't feel even remotely happy.

I hardly had motivation, though every day I dragged myself, forced myself, up to do something so that I wasn't just sitting on the couch like a potato.

I was now an insomniac. Sleeping seemed to have disappeared from my life. I was only seeming to get 2 hours of sleep on a good night. Sometimes I got none at all. I wondered how I even functioned.

I experienced many other symptoms that came with depression.

Sometimes I wondered if I should just end my misery then. It wouldn't take much to end it all.

But I never got to actually follow through with those plans. I've tried a few times, but Reggie seemed to have a knack of coming in time to stop me.

Then that annoying trainer came. He had the knack of irritating me beyond belief.

And with him was that Brock fella and that other girl I couldn't remember. She was annoying though. I heard her voice, high and shrill; especially when she was yelling and screaming about something pathetic. Didn't she see their were bigger problems out there?

"Alright, time out," she screeched, stepping between us before she looked at me, "You've already battled Ash once, why not stay and watch?"

I stared at her blankly.

"What? What's wrong?" she asked.

"What's wrong?" I asked, "Who are you?"

Her face instantly pulled into a scowled and she clenched her fists by her sides. "Excuse me, your rudeness, we've met once before! The name's Dawn."

That's who she was.

"Don't remember," I said flatly.

She looked almost ready to explode. "You think you're funny don't you!"

I stayed still as I watched her lunched and Brock held her back as she tried to kick me, all the while yelling things at me.

And I couldn't help but let the corner of my mouth curl a tiny bit as I smirked.

* * *

I ran into this girl several more times during my journey.

She was… How did you say it? She was special.

I wasn't a lifeless lump around her.

Somehow, through the expressions she pulled and her screams and anger; I felt amusement. An emotion other than depression. An emotion I never thought I'd be able to feel.

It was a pleasant emotion, but I wouldn't let her know that. If she new, then she wouldn't get angry and then I wouldn't be able to feel amused anymore and then I'd be back to where I started.

She made me feel a glimmer of hope. Cheesy, but true. If I was starting to feel things, then I wasn't completely void of emotions.

She made me feel more than irritation at different points in time. Things she did, things she opened up to even though I never really did the same back. Things like compassion, drops of happiness, flashes of empathy, bolts of motivation and dashes of anticipation.

Then there was an emotion I hadn't figured out yet. It was frustrating and addicting and spun me for a loop. It felt like lightning, which should be bad, but I always wanted more. Something that made me feel like I was alive. Alive and human and actually able to feel these things.

I didn't care what it was, but I had to have more. I didn't care what anyone else said, that girl was MINE. I would make sure no one else tried to take her away, no matter how much they thought I wasn't good.

Because another thing she made me feel was selfish. She was good for me and even if I may not be best for her, she was doing things to me that no one else had done and I was addicted.

No one else had done this before.

What made her different, is that she could make me feel emotions.

What made her different…

… Is I think I loved her.

* * *

 **Me: Eh, more a test really.**

 **Paul:... Use Drew. He doesn't care.**

 **Me: Nah. It's a test for a character I developed who is supposed to have depression and because he knows he has depression, he doesn't think himself able to feel things other than depression related feelings. But he is human, so he does have them and eventually believes it when someone else (coincidentally a girl) triggers amusement and so on so forth! I thought it was cute, so I tested it with Paul and Dawn since they were the most similar to my own characters.**

 **Dawn: So she's sweet and cute and totally dazzling?**

 **Paul: *flatly* I doubt it if she's like you**

 **Dawn: *angry* I was not talking to you, your royal rudeness.**

 **Paul: Hnn... Troublesome.**

 **Dawn: MY NAME IS DAWN!**

 **Me: Naw, lover's quarrel.**

 **Dawn: IS NOT!**

 **Me: Anyhow, this was also a way for me to vent my own feelings and now I feel a lot better. Thank you for everyone who was concerned, but you don't have to worry about me :D I'm fine.**

 **NOTE** Also, I just wanted to add that Paul IS still depressed at the end. Dawn didn't just magically 'cure' him of his mental disorder. I wasn't intending for it to be like that. What happened is that Dawn taught him that he COULD feel other emotions, even if it was just slightly. I just wanted to clarify.**


End file.
